Of Mice and Bek's
I'm sitting in the parking lot, staring at the Weight Watchers place, trying not to have an anxiety attack. It's dumb since everyone is there for the same reason.
But I'm more scared this may be it. This may be the end, the beginning, the fulfillment of everything I've known to be true... That I am not meant to be fat. That I'm just suffocating the beautiful woman within.
And I'm terrified. But I'm here. I will get out of this car. I will cross the lot. I will walk in those doors. I will stay. I will listen, even if I do not speak. But I will cross that threshhold and scream within my mind and heart, "Fuck the bitch I was. Embrace this goddess I am." Then I will leave and cry, but hey... That is pretty fucking ok.
So I started it finally. I'll need to play with the online tracker when I get home. I'd like to use my blog to keep myself updated but my phone does not seem to be able to handle this. So, for now, I'll journal using this at work and my blog at home. Hm. A netbook sounds awesome right now for this.
I'm excited and surprisingly terrified at the same time.
Current mood: anxious.
I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed that people can be hurt so deeply by someone, but a single song will make them miss that other person intensely. Lame.
Current mood: confused.
I'm amused :)
Current mood: amused.
Long 4 months without a post. Oops. ;)
Current mood: tired.
it's not so much that i'm desperate for coffee. it's that i have no recourse if i do want it. leaving one's wallet 25 miles away, so close to one's warm, comfy bed, one's playful pooch, one's various venues of mindless entertainment. rather than consider an afternoon of hooky, i settle for grousing and whining and getting through the day. i chuckle at my antics. i'm amused rather than annoyed. but man... a nice mocha with coconut creamer sounds divine. i can't even get one of the vitamin enhanced water beverages i've suddenly decided to subsist on. i fail at emergency cash, yo. alas. oh well :)
SO SAY WE ALL!
Current mood: excited.
03. Where do you live:
04: What are you studying/What are you working as:
05. What makes you happy:
06. What are you listening to now/have listened to last:
07. What is particularly good/bad about my LJ:
08. An interesting fact about you:
09. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment:
10. Favorite place to be:
11. What do you usually sleep in:
12. Best time of the year:
13. Weirdest food you like:
14. Have you ever taken a nude photo of yourself:
15. Have kids/want them:
01. A film:
02. A book:
03. A song:
04: A band:
01. One thing you like about me:
02. Two things you like about yourself:
03. Put this in your eljay so I can tell you what I think of you?
Current mood: tired.
today will be a test. despite my physical aches and pains, despite the drama already bubbling and brewing at work, despite the weather trying to drive me crazy... the sleeping bear lies. if my headache and sinuses behave i'll be in good shape. i have to work late but hopefully the weather will clear up by then. tonight's rp should be great, even if things have been frustrating. all i need do is get a nap, and i think i'll be golden.
So, it's the new year, yadda yadda. Thoughts of the past mingle with thoughts of the future. I promised myself I'd post some goals, public and private, so I best get doing that. I mean, if I can't even keep a promise to /write/ goals, what makes me think I'll keep them. Who knows. Luckily I'm in a decent mood tonight, so we'll see, ne?
( Public To Do ListCollapse )
A good start. Hm.
Current mood: sick.